On Connection.

A very dear friend of mine just texted me and asked if she was "cool". After assuring her that yes, she was in fact very cool, I asked her why she was feeling doubtful in the first place. She said, "I'm having a hard time finding someone to connect with".

Hm!

Well, that got me thinking. What the fuck do we mean when we talk about feeling connected to a person in a romantic sense? In any sense, really?

I think it goes back to meaning. We're born into this world fumbling for meaning (Jerry), and while some of us never find it, most of us spend our lives looking for it.

We say things like "I feel so connected to my partner because _____". What we're really saying is "I have no idea why I believe in monogamy, so I'm going to justify and rationalize it by giving a title to this feeling I'm experiencing in the hopes that perhaps this experience is universal and therefore objectively true and at last, meaningful."

Calm your tits, it isn't.

At best, all you can say is that you're feeling something, and that your partner agreed upon the word you've chosen to point to that feeling. Maybe they're experiencing something closer to sea-sickness, and "Connected" is the only word they've ever had for being in a relationship of some depth of commitment.

Oo! That's another good point! What exactly is "Depth of commitment"?

Don't get all flashy on me.

Depth, I think, refers to: Proximity + Time + Effort + Honesty. Commitment is just doing the thing you said you'd do...so essentially, your depth of commitment to a relationship is just how long and hard you're willing to work with the person you've chosen to be with, and how much you trust them to do the same.

So, my point?

Stop looking for connection. You're really looking for meaning. Find it within yourself, and if you have, or find a partner? Don't demand that THEY give your life meaning, even if they do. Enjoy them! Enjoy the experiences that come with being with them.

Connect with me in the comments below. 

In My 28th Year.

Every year on my birthday, I look back and reflect. I also take time to list the things I intend to accomplish in the coming 365. This year has been a remarkable series of defeats and victories, minor and major. More loss than win, but I'm still here. Thanks in no small part to the dedication and care of my family and friends without whom I would certainly have perished.

With this 28th Year?

I'll finish my goddamn college career. One way or the other.

I'll stop whoring around and find a life-mate.

I'll bench 400lbs

I'll enter a new work field and generate wealth that affords me the luxury of building a cabin on the family land.

...Pay on/down/off my student loans as best I can. 

...Finish the album I'm working on, and start on something new.

...Start saving towards fixing my nose, teeth, and getting my tonsils taken out, and getting my eyes zapped.

...Throw away useless shit that's taking up space in my life.

...Drink a beer with all of my dearest friends at least once.

...Try new and exciting drugs to expand my mind.

...Go on exciting sexual adventures. (BEFORE I stop whoring, let's be practical now.)

...Help at least one person become a better version of themselves.

...Destroy at least one person.

...Buy a pistol.

...Drink expensive scotch.

...Investigate the city.

...Go to cultural and artistic events in said city, Including the opera, the symphony, and gallery shows.

...Start to Learn self defense. Specifically Krav Maga. Which I can't even spell yet.

I also plan to write and release a self-published work of short stories online, just to say I did it before I hit 30.


That's a full year's worth of work...Starting...now.