On Connection.

A very dear friend of mine just texted me and asked if she was "cool". After assuring her that yes, she was in fact very cool, I asked her why she was feeling doubtful in the first place. She said, "I'm having a hard time finding someone to connect with".

Hm!

Well, that got me thinking. What the fuck do we mean when we talk about feeling connected to a person in a romantic sense? In any sense, really?

I think it goes back to meaning. We're born into this world fumbling for meaning (Jerry), and while some of us never find it, most of us spend our lives looking for it.

We say things like "I feel so connected to my partner because _____". What we're really saying is "I have no idea why I believe in monogamy, so I'm going to justify and rationalize it by giving a title to this feeling I'm experiencing in the hopes that perhaps this experience is universal and therefore objectively true and at last, meaningful."

Calm your tits, it isn't.

At best, all you can say is that you're feeling something, and that your partner agreed upon the word you've chosen to point to that feeling. Maybe they're experiencing something closer to sea-sickness, and "Connected" is the only word they've ever had for being in a relationship of some depth of commitment.

Oo! That's another good point! What exactly is "Depth of commitment"?

Don't get all flashy on me.

Depth, I think, refers to: Proximity + Time + Effort + Honesty. Commitment is just doing the thing you said you'd do...so essentially, your depth of commitment to a relationship is just how long and hard you're willing to work with the person you've chosen to be with, and how much you trust them to do the same.

So, my point?

Stop looking for connection. You're really looking for meaning. Find it within yourself, and if you have, or find a partner? Don't demand that THEY give your life meaning, even if they do. Enjoy them! Enjoy the experiences that come with being with them.

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